Unconventional, in an unconventional way.

Quick, what's the first thing you think of when you hear the word unconventional? Go, on be honest. Maybe someone who doesn't follow the rules? A person who rejects authority figures? Maybe someone who makes unusual decisions and prefers to side with the minority, all the time? Well, when I think of unconventional, it makes me think of a person who's quiet, respectful, and morally sound. So many people nowadays are being sucked into this image of being a "rebel from society" because of the way they think or the way they parade themselves about, whether their  rollin' joints, chuggin' beers, etc. It seems to me that society is working in a backwards way, and no one seems to realize it. I almost even have to consider myself unconventional at times. I know, I know, it sounds crazy. I do all my work, don't let people copy my work, and prefer to stay inside in my lonesome than party it up with friends. Now, I bet 90% of people out there would think I'm a total loser, with no friends, no life, or anything if that's all I told them. What if I told you that I have a small, close circle of diverse friends, who I enjoy spending time with, who I do care about? Would you think I'm lying? I might think I'm lying. But, see, here's my point. The average person has been so tweaked, so changed, that someone as plain and unspectacular as myself is unusual. Very rarely will you see a guy who is a loner, who doesn't have a girlfriend, and enjoys spending time in the home. Most people nowadays, from what I see, wear "geek" glasses, wear wool caps in hot weather, will have some kind of creative outlet that they use to portray themselves as open and unique, and have some sort of constant hatred in their gov't. These people need to stop worrying about what others think of them and what's going on around them and just focus on them. Many people that I know are intellectuals, and I honestly think they're a dying breed. Intelligence in mathematics and sciences is heeding way to a generation infatuated with "arts", "creative expression", and "new ideas." I just hope these people can all make it in arts careers. It's a hard business.

is this the real life...is this just fantasy?

Sometimes i think i think too much. for example, nearly every day i can't help but think how i will never be able to fulfill my aspiration to be a musician, because i will never be able to afford a drum set, and until i do, i will just retain amateur status in my head. i can keep a beat, i'm actually REALLY good at that. that's why i feel i have the natural talent. unfortunately, i cant execute a proper drum roll, and if i had a kit, or an electronic kit, maybe i would be able to do that. it seems that for now, its just a dream. a dream put on hold. to add on, i really need a new computer. a desktop, with a lot more gaming power, since in the last few months, i have really gotten into PC gaming. of course, that probably costs thousands of dollars. my family cannot possibly afford that w/o at least a year of saving. i don't like to tell them, but our financial situation really depresses me, when i see people with new iPods 3 days after they lose theirs, brand new iPhone 4s, and all this new shit, and whenever i want something new, i have to save up for it, day by day, and so do my parents, and it takes such a long time, since we're in such bad financial straits. and these people i mentioned, with the iPhones, sidekicks, they're pulling 65s and 70s in most of their classses, and meanwhile, im getting 90s in all my classes, and i have to stay put with what i have. i do my best to maintain a level-headed attitude, but it seems like i'm working harder and succeeding more, and yet im getting less for it. i put the expectations so high on myself ever since middle school, my mom isnt satisfied with anything less than a 94. while other parents just want an 80, i have to get everything above 90, otherwise my parents will weed out that one bad grade, and be sure that i know all about it. i'm proud of my success, yes, but sometimes i really feel underappreciated, especially when my 12 yr old sister gets everything i do, and yet she is always in trouble and handing in projects late.

what do i have to do to feel the love? 

I thought the world was fair

Isn't it absolutely hilarious how tomorrow is my last day of classes, and YET, I still have a project to do? I seem to remember that the workload is supposed to wind down as June goes on, but no. I have handed in 5 projects over the past two weeks, I have had so much work, that today I am finally getting to actually write my English paper. I typically don;t have much to complain about when it comes to Millennium's HW load. Usually, 2 hours is about the average, and that's cool with me, if I get home at say, 430. But, when it's June 13th, and you STILL have projects to do, AND Regents to study for, AND your iPod's broken, and your copy of Green Day: Rock Band got hung up in shipping and you have to go pick it up, don't you deserve a little something-something?

I dunno, maybe I'm in over my head. All I know is that tomorrow, June 14th, is the last day of classes. And tomorrow, June 14th, I will do no work. I will not study for Global, because I'm getting 90s on the preliminaries. I will come home, and watch YouTube videos. I will play Team Fortress 2. I will watch Loudmouths. I will do NOTHING all day, and I will not have to suffer for it, because 10th grade, sophomore year at Millennium High School in Manhattan, NY is OVER! And camp is in 2 WEEKS, AND I HAVE NEVER BEEN HAPPIER THAT THE SUMMER HAS ARRIVED.