is this the real life...is this just fantasy?

Sometimes i think i think too much. for example, nearly every day i can't help but think how i will never be able to fulfill my aspiration to be a musician, because i will never be able to afford a drum set, and until i do, i will just retain amateur status in my head. i can keep a beat, i'm actually REALLY good at that. that's why i feel i have the natural talent. unfortunately, i cant execute a proper drum roll, and if i had a kit, or an electronic kit, maybe i would be able to do that. it seems that for now, its just a dream. a dream put on hold. to add on, i really need a new computer. a desktop, with a lot more gaming power, since in the last few months, i have really gotten into PC gaming. of course, that probably costs thousands of dollars. my family cannot possibly afford that w/o at least a year of saving. i don't like to tell them, but our financial situation really depresses me, when i see people with new iPods 3 days after they lose theirs, brand new iPhone 4s, and all this new shit, and whenever i want something new, i have to save up for it, day by day, and so do my parents, and it takes such a long time, since we're in such bad financial straits. and these people i mentioned, with the iPhones, sidekicks, they're pulling 65s and 70s in most of their classses, and meanwhile, im getting 90s in all my classes, and i have to stay put with what i have. i do my best to maintain a level-headed attitude, but it seems like i'm working harder and succeeding more, and yet im getting less for it. i put the expectations so high on myself ever since middle school, my mom isnt satisfied with anything less than a 94. while other parents just want an 80, i have to get everything above 90, otherwise my parents will weed out that one bad grade, and be sure that i know all about it. i'm proud of my success, yes, but sometimes i really feel underappreciated, especially when my 12 yr old sister gets everything i do, and yet she is always in trouble and handing in projects late.

what do i have to do to feel the love?